WWYD: Not Crazy About Your Kid’s Friends… Now What?

In this What Would You Do Wednesday episode, we tackle a real parenting dilemma: what do you do when you don’t like your child’s friends?

The conversation goes far beyond that question as we dive into the bigger picture—strict vs. open parenting, trust, communication, and why controlling your kids can actually push them to rebel or hide things from you.

We share personal stories about raising kids in today’s world, from navigating peer influence and early exposure to tough topics, to setting boundaries without shutting down communication. We also break down the powerful idea behind the “birdcage theory”—why giving kids freedom might be the key to keeping them close.

This episode is an honest look at the challenges of parenting at every stage, and how to guide your kids without losing their trust along the way.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Welcome to Mama's Playground. I didn't know if Darlene was gonna start or if I was gonna start, but I started it.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Sorry. Welcome to Mama's Playground. Happy Wednesday. This is me, Darlene. This is me, Monica. And this is me, Clara. This is a third one. This is a Clara back. I love it. I love it. I love it. It's always, you know what? Friendships. I love mom friendships. I love women friendships. I just love, you know, friendships. And I love we love Clara. We love Clara. You know, this is mama's playground. It's not about, okay, it's just Darlene and Monica all the time. And we've always said something about, you know, the podcast. It's we want to bring our friends over. Sometimes our friends need to vent about something. They can come. Let's make it an episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Or sometimes we could just invite them for our what would you do Wednesdays? Episodely.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

What are we doing today, Monica?

SPEAKER_02 1:04

So we're gonna do one today talking about friends and bringing them on the podcast. We are talking about when your child loves their friend, but you as a mom do not like that friend. Right? So, like, what do you do when you have this little kid, or in your case, your kids are older, and you're, let's say your daughter, your son, or whatever is hanging out with somebody that you say, mm-mm, like I don't like this. I've been watching this for like the past couple of months. This is not a good influence. This is not what I want my, you know, this is not where I want my kid to be, you know, socially. Um, what do you do?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

And before, and one thing, one of the reasons I really want to Clara in this episode is because um, which she's recently, um, what's it called? I was gonna say recently what? No, no, no, no, Pina. Yeah, Brianna just started college now, and so and she was in volleyball, so she and I always see her, you know, her Instagram, and she has so many friends, and I see that she's so loved by so many friends. And my question to you, because Luna being seven and then exploring the new friendships, and I've had some issues, and not issues, but I've had some situations in the past where I'm like she's coming home saying things that she wouldn't say, or she's talking about things that we've never talked about here, so this has to do with the friends. And I try like to, you know, try not to spend too much time with them, but how do you tell them not to spend time with them? Like it's it's it's hard because you don't want them at an early age to be alienating friends, but in your case that you already went through this and she's always surrounded by some.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

I'm still going through this, by the way. I'm still going through this. Well, I would say it's probably even worse because how old are your kids right now? Um, my daughter is 18 and my son is about to turn 26.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Well, so let's just say, even I say more women-wise, right? I mean, I'm sure there's like I have two boys, but I'm sure on the women's side there's like more cattiness or more like women that bring other women down. Hate. Yes. I I gotta I gotta think that there is just because us women, I'm sorry, I have to generalize, we are more dramatic, we are more in our emotions and all that.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

So when all these women get together, but wait, it could be bad or it could be good, but for boys too, it could be the boys getting in trouble, the boys. I mean, absolutely. So I'm just curious, actually, because she, Monica, only has boys. I only have girls, but you have both. I'm so curious as uh I want I want your input on this.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

So, first of all, I love what would you do Wednesdays? This is like I love this, love this. Um, it's so much fun to talk about and get everybody's different perspectives on the topic. Um, so yes, I am an empty nester, but I feel like this is something that really never goes away. Like, who are your kids hanging out with? Even as an adult, like you're still worried about who are they spending their time with? Are they positive, you know, positive people? Are they bringing them down? And um for example, John is 20, he's gonna be 26, and I worry about the work environment that he's in. And I worry about is this job right for him? Because is it bringing him down? Is it lifting him up? It's kind of like the same thing with friendships, right? Are you hanging out with people that are uplifting you, or are you hanging out with people that are constantly bringing you down? Um, or you're they're gossiping about somebody else, and you don't want that, right? So it never goes away. It never goes away. Even as you know, my daughter growing up, she goes to kindergarten, you worry about who they're hanging out with, and that's all innocent. Then they get older, elementary, but I think as they get older, it just becomes more real because now you're like, Yeah, now you're making decisions, now they're making decisions for themselves. Um, so what do I do? What do I do if I seem that my daughter's hanging out with somebody that has it happened? I don't like it has happened.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Okay, so what did you do in that situation with your daughter and with your son?

SPEAKER_00 5:13

So I, you know, with my son, it didn't happen to me. I was just very pendiente, I was very like observant of who he was around, and I was very fortunate enough that he was around really good people, and you know, he was very introverted, so it was very like easy for him to find the right person to hang out with, okay, and then he can open up. So it was a little bit different with my boy. Did you ever talk to him about that at home?

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Or yes, okay. So, what type of conversations were you having with him? I want to know good from bad as far as friendships.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yes, I was always telling him, like, listen, the people that you hang out with say a lot about your character, about the people that the people that you hang out with say a lot about the type of person that you are. So if you hang out with thieves, they're gonna confuse you for a thief, you know. So you have to be careful who you associate yourself with. I'm not saying to not be kind to the person that you hang out with. I'm not saying that don't spend time with them. But don't just be with them because then it becomes a pattern of who you are going to become, you know, express your horizons. Yes, you can chill with them, you can learn the good things from them because everybody has something good to offer, but don't spend like all your life with them.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Isn't there a saying in Spanish that says dime dime con quien andas? Y te diré. And my parents always used to tell me. They always used to say that.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Oh, I love that. And I remember in the summer when Luna was doing summer camp, she kept coming back saying the same name, the same name of actually the same person throughout the year because she did camp at her school. And I was a little bit like uh skeptical with that friendship for a couple of reasons. And then she goes, By the way, my friend says hi, and I'm like, Oh, she's saying hi to me. And I'm like, you know, and and and but I always told her, I want you to come home, also mentioning other kids, like who else were you hanging out with?

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yeah, you know, yeah, and you know, when they're little, it's so innocent. And I remember Adriana had a one friend when she was um in kindergarten, and that was like all the teachers would tell me, This is her soulmate, this is her soulmate, and I'm like, but she doesn't have other friends, and no, this is her soulmate, and you know, they outgrow that and they move, we move, or whatever. But it's when they become Are they still in touch? No, they they lost touch. We moved to Pembroke, they were from like um Miami, so we we lost touch, but they were like a pee in a pod, they were best friends, and the minute that they saw each other, it was like giggles and laughs, and they can laugh about anything. Like it was so innocent and so genuine that I'm like, wow, you know, but it gets scary when they get older and they start picking who they're gonna choose to be their friends.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah, but the smaller the child, the smaller the problem, the bigger the children's gonna be the problem.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

You know, for example, I I I want to put Luna, for example, in volleyball next year, and but I just get scared, which is stupid, and I and I admit it because it's okay, it's good. She's gonna be in a team with I don't know, you tell me how many tons 12? Usually it's about 12. 12 to 12. Nine to 12. Nine, twelve. And I don't know, like it just it it's I don't know, it's scary. It was different when it was just her, the only girl in baseball with the boys, and there was no drama. And I don't know, now it's scary of I mean, not for nothing. My daughter, she's a beautiful girl, just like Adriana, and I just get scared of people being mean mean to her or something.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

And then you have like 12 girls together in one place and traveling together. And that's gonna happen. I'm not gonna tell you no, I'm not gonna show your cord and say no, it's all butterflies and you know, flowers, but it's gonna happen. But what is she gonna get out of it? She's got it's gonna build character, it's gonna build independency, it's going to make her a better person because at the end of the day, you can't protect her from the real life. Yeah, like and she's gonna be 18 one day and she's gonna be like, wow, my mom never let me do any of this. She never let me like bring new friends home. You know, is that is that really what you want for her, or do you want her to be exposed to so many different things so that she can fend for herself when she's out there in the real world, you know? So I I had an issue with one of my daughter's friends. I did. And uh how old was she? She was like 16. Well, this is already Yala de la Ohio. That's the tough and you know, the only thing I could do is have the conversation with her and tell her listen, be careful because people like that are not your friends. People that do these two things to you are not your friends. Just be careful, just be careful. I didn't tell her to stop hanging out with her because I think the more you tell someone to stop doing something, the more they want to do it. And then they're gonna hide it from you, yes, and then they start hiding it. So I didn't tell her to stop, but eventually she did on her own terms. She saw it, she had to realize it on her own. She had to realize it on her own. Um, but one of the things that I do remember, um, somebody tell me, somebody that I used to work with in the hotel industry, is they told me, listen, the minute that you see your child has gone down that rabbit hole, you need to move. You need to do whatever it takes to move them out of that environment because it is so toxic to be around the wrong people. And I always kept that in my mind, and I always said, you know what? Like, if we have to move, and I know not everybody can do that, not anybody can just pick up and go. But I always said that I'm like, oh my god, I always like I hope my kids are hanging out with the right people, I hope their friends are good, I hope everybody, you know what I mean? Like, I just you just want the best for them. But I always said if it came to that, I would pick up and move to another state. Like really move them away from that. Because they always used to tell me, like, you need to move them. And I remember seeing this like growing up in Jersey, a mom actually picking up her kids and moving to a different state. Because they were involved in the gangs and they were involved. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's already. But that's one when they're like really going down that rabbit hole, you know.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

That's a whole different story, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Yeah, so it's like, what do you do?

SPEAKER_02 11:33

But that's why you have to be from when they're little vigilant of who they're hanging out with and who are they getting attracted to? What attracts your kid? Like, what kind of friendships are they holding? Because as they get into that 13, 14, 15, 16, especially right now with again technology and all that stuff, they are so advanced, and they are so many kids, unfortunately, that are not being supervised by their parents. Yeah, and they have a lot of bad tendencies and so on. And then your kids hanging out with them, and then where's your kid getting these tendencies from, you know? Yeah, so it's like if you're not watching them and you're not, you know. I my my cousin used to always tell me, Monica, the day that you, you know, the kids get older, be the mom that has the parties at the house. Oh, yeah. Your house. 100%. Why? She's like, it's not, it's not so strategic, but there is a strategy to it. She's like, you be the cool mom. You be the cool that everybody wants to come to your house because at that point while they're there, you are watching them and you are seeing how your kid interacts, how this kid interacts, and you start to see who is who, and then you know, you know, as a parent, like what you should or not, you know. And I love that advice. I love it. I grew up with that with my parents.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

We grew up with that. With we always had the parties, and I remember our neighbors would come, and my parents obviously would ask permission, but they would have like a Bacardi breezer, and you know, and they would have it at the house and then they would cross the street and go home. My parents always had that, yeah, and I I love that because I remember my friends would come pick me up to go out, and they would they would end up staying. They're like, Oh, we're gonna we wanna go hang out with your parents for a little bit and listen to some music, and we would end up staying in the house, right? And I said, Oh, I I love that. My sister has that with the kids, right? And I I wish I I really hope that that, yeah, yeah, she has that.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

It's everybody wants to hang out there, which is a be which is a beautiful thing because they were like, Oh my god, your parents are cool, and not that you're gonna be, you know, partying it up with your at the end of the day, you there is a boundary, right? You're a a parent, but that you can be able to see the kids, you know, and they're coming to the house and you're seeing who's who. Like, I think that is so important, right? Because when they're not in your house and they're in somebody else's house and you don't know what they're doing, you don't know who they're hanging out with, you have no clue who is next to your kid and who's influencing, or if your kid is influencing, because let's be honest, uh, we can't always think that our kid is uh Santa Paloma, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Like our kids could also be could also be. I've been on the other side where I know there are parents out there that don't like it, don't like my daughter, you know, and not because she is a bad person, but because they don't like how I raised her. Hey, do are you going out to a party? Fine, go to a party. Why are you letting her go out to a party? Like she's 18. She's gonna do it. She's gotta do it. When is she gonna do when she's 40? Yeah, I'm like, she's gotta do it when she's gonna be able to do it. She does what she's gonna do. She's gonna escape. So a lot of parents have this conception of like, you let them do too much. You gave you gave your kids too much freedom, you know, and that's okay because not everybody parents the same way, but at times, Adriana's on the other side where she's like, oh, she might be the friend that is not very well liked, you know? And find friends that I don't but you know where she's at.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

And your daughter's racing your kid to be like, no, no, no, no, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. All the friends are doing it. Your kid is gonna be like, Mom, I'm gonna go stay at my friend's house. We're gonna be watching Netflix, and she's out at a party. She did not trust you because you said no to that. But it in a way, if you give them the freedom, obviously, you know, I grew up with be home by a certain time, and I just want to know who's who you're going with. And it's Puerto Rico, it's small, so my parents kind of like know everybody. If it was a new friend, tell them to come, and then they will come and they'll be like, Can we stay here? We're having a great time with your parents, and I'm like, I want that, right? I want that. And talking about friends and going to other people's houses, and this goes a little bit out of the what will you do subject, but actually, in a way, it could. Um, sleepovers. When did you let her have like her first sleepovers?

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Or did you have her? So I didn't have that problem with John. The boys don't care about sleepovers, like they just do not care. I never had that problem. Adriana wanted to sleep over everybody's house, and um I had my rules. I said if I know the parents and I know them well, and I know that there's no other individuals coming in and out of the house, then we'll talk about it, you know. But if I said no to a sleepover, she immediately knew it's because I didn't know who the parents were. I don't know them well, I don't know the siblings, I don't know. So she would sleep over maybe three or four friends' house, you know. But they loved the sleepover. I find it here in Florida, like I didn't grow up with sleepovers, I didn't have sleepovers growing up. I was in my house and that's where I slept, you know, until I got older. That we would go out drinking and it was like, okay, we're crashing at. But here it's a big thing. Sleepovers are a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Well, in Puerto Rico, some of my favorite birthdays involved this. We would go to the my parents would be choose four friends. So we would go to the movies, right? We would go to this place uh to eat pizza called big cheese pizza or whatever it was around. We would go bowling and then we would come home saying happy birthday and we would have a sleepover. And I was if I was probably seven, eight, and it was four girls. My parents would leave us uh their bed and we would sleep like sideways so we all fit, and they would go to my room, and it was never an issue, it was never like a whole big deal. There's a sleepover, and these kids were young, but it was, I guess, different times. Yeah, I don't know, and then I went to the same school from kinder to senior, although this we were seven, so we basically had just started more or less in school, but I don't know, it wasn't such a big deal as it is today because we have a lot more information, yeah. But all the shit that's happening now was happening back then.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

It's just that it wasn't in our face all the time.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah, how old was Adriana when she had her first, if you remember?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Um, I don't, I don't remember, but she must have been in elementary, she must have been like in her 10 10, 12 phase, maybe like right around there. Yeah, like double digits, double digits for sure. Double digits for sure. Yeah, no, double digits for sure. Yeah, the the you know, when she can, I always said when she can think for herself a little bit, okay, and then you know the family, you know that they're a good family, and you know everybody in the family, it's like okay, let's go. But I will say, I had more people sleep over my house than she's ever slept over other people's houses.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

There you go. That's it's about bringing the party to your house. Bringing the party to the house.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

You know, it's funny, I got going back to what you had said that I uh, you know, about the um, oh my god, what was it? Oh god, here we go again.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

This happens all the time.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I'm telling you, oh my god. We're talking about so much. Okay, the gang. The bone the rabbit bottle.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Oh going back to the thing of like the the you know, the people not maybe liking your daughter because she had the freedom and so on. I remember back in the day, I was 14, 15 years old. I had my really best friend, Denise. We were very traviesas together, always, you know, planning stuff and all that. I remember there was another girl. Uh, we went to Catholic school our whole life in our Catholic school setting. And I remember the mom didn't care for us too much because she thought that we were like loquitas, you know? Yeah. And to be honest, we were very innocent. We just like to have fun. And she was always like, no, you cannot hang out with them, you cannot hang out with them. And she had her daughter in a like box. Like she couldn't go to the party, she had to be there at a certain time, she had to leave at a certain time, she couldn't do this, she couldn't do that, like so in a box that that girl is the one that when we would be dropped off at youth group, okay, uh, like in like the Friday evening youth groups, her boyfriend was picking her up and she was skipping youth group and going with her boyfriend. And we were so innocent. We didn't even have any of that. We were just people that wanted to have like a good time. A good time, like fun, like let's go out to dance, or oh, there's a dance party, and we would, you know, crack jokes and and fun. But her daughter, she thought, she thought, like, no, my daughter is she can't be around people like this, but let's like this, but yet her daughter was so feeling like, oh my god, I'm in a box, I'm gonna rebel. So every time her mom took her to a party or took her to the youth group or took her here, she had another plan. So her mom would drop her off and pick her up, and she made sure to be there at a certain time when her parents were picking her up picking her up. And I was like, look how the world is, you know, like this lady thinks that we are, I don't know, at 15, 16, or 14, whatever, doing stuff that we're not supposed to with boys. That was her big concern. And yet her daughter's the one that has a secret boyfriend and is going out doing all this crap behind her back, you know. And that's because of the box that you put her in. Yeah, it's like keeping them in a leash, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

My my mom, she always said that she my grandfather was very strict with her when she was growing up in the Bronx in New York, and she would have to escape from the window where you see in the movies, like she would literally have to do that. So she said, the day that I have kids, that's not gonna happen. And let me tell you, my parents were never my mom would wait though. She would stay up waiting for us, and we would come in, it could be I don't know, one o'clock in the morning, and she would sit down with us at the breakfast table by the kitchen because we would be like munching and she would be asking about how the night went. But she was, you know, she was free, she she trusted us, right? And the moment that you don't and that you keep them in a leash, when they get when they escape, that's it. And I think about another thing: the drinking age in the states, it's 21. Back home, and in a lot of countries, it's you know, whatever. It's a more old. It's whenever you want whenever you want to have a drink. So when these kids go to college, the ones raised here in these 21 and over, and even if it's 21 and over, if your parents were like, We're not gonna have any sip of wine because you're 20, even if it's at the house, it's stupid. But Then they would go to college and they would get crazy. The kegs and of course go wild. And in the and and when in my case, I remember when I turned 21 in college out here, I think I went like to Hoolie hands, and I had like a beer with my sister and Joey. That was it. Like, and I would be like, holy shit, these gringos from here, they're going crazy in college because they were not allowed to have a sip of drink. They were kept on a leash. Yeah. Or they were hiding it all the time. And now they're going crazy. And mind you, now we come here from Puerto Rico or Colombia or whatever. And it's like, come on, dude, really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

This could be another topic. I know. This is what would you do Wednesday and we're talking about this? This could be another topic, but this is the same thing. I remember Goldie Hun coming on a long time ago with Kurt Russell, her husband. They've been many, many years, many years in Hollywood together. Imagine. Not very much. And they're still rare. Very rare. I'm gonna say rare, rare. And I remember they came on and they interviewed uh Kurt Russell and they said to him, Hey, what like in Hollywood? How is it that you guys have managed to be together for so long? And he said, It's the birdcage theory. And they were like, Well, what's the birdcage theory?

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Actually, she did, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

He just came on, he said, uh, the birdcage theory. And the lady was that was interviewing, she's like, Oh, what is the birdcage theory? And he's like, Well, Goldie has me in a birdcage, but the birdcage is always open, the door is always open, and because the door is always open, I don't want to go anywhere else. But as soon as that door is closed, I want to go. And it's kind of the same relating back to this. When you are so strict and you put things like, you know, you're you're oh, you can't do this, you can't do this. The more you want to do things, yeah, you know, and so when uh going back again to the the friends in elementary or whatever, almost high school, right? When you do that to your kids, what are they gonna do? They're gonna say, My mom is too strict, my dad is too strict. So you know what? When they're not watching, I'm gonna do all these things.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Yeah, you know, and I also don't want my my kids to grow up with this resentment of like, listen, from when the time that I was 16 to the time that I was 20, you didn't let me do anything. You know, and those are five, four, five, I don't know how many years of their life that you just keep them like, no, no, you can't do this, you can't do that. And those are core memories that they're building, whether they do something messed up, whether they make a mistake, you know, you can only pray that the mistake is not so big that they can't, you know, retract from that. But they're gonna make mistakes. And I always tell my kids, go out of there and make your mistakes because I sure as hell did. I know. And let me tell you, I don't regret any part of my life. Any part of my life, you know. So I'm like, go make your mistakes. I'm like, just make sure your mistake is not gonna cost you a career, it's not gonna cost you a life, it's not gonna cost you, you know, just make decisions wisely. Don't make your mistakes exactly, you know, and make sure who you're hanging out with, and who you're hanging out with is a big part of it. I read.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

And it goes back to whole the whole leash. If we tell them don't hang out with this person, what's gonna happen? They're gonna do it, or they're gonna say they don't, and they're not gonna talk about her and or him. And what happened to me was I started saying, like, hey, you know, hang out with other kids, and she goes, Wait, I can't talk to this person anymore. And I said, No, is this person not a nice person? And I don't want to do that either. I'm not saying that it's nice, you want her to have it. It's that the person is a little bit honestly, and I'm gonna say it, I'm scared that this is the person that's gonna talk to you about sex before we do, because it's one person that's very constantly at this age on the internet, and so my question is that's yeah, what if they do?

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Yeah, what if they do? What if that person talks to her about sex before you do? What is the what is the law of that?

SPEAKER_01 25:55

I believe, I mean, I don't know. Again, it's my first time being a parent, but I feel that it's okay. What do you know about it? What did this person tell you about it? I can't get mad, you can't, although I'm gonna be inside, I'll probably be freaking burning of anger and frustration. But it's like I can't show that.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

I'm almost like I'm almost okay with that because I feel like it opens the window for the parents to have the communication.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Yeah, because they might not ever have it.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Yes, yes, if they never talk about sex, you might never want to bring it up because you're thinking my child is so innocent. Like she doesn't even know what this shit is. Like you have no idea what it is. And now it's out there, and now it's like, you know what? Now that I know you know, let's talk about this. Let's talk about it. Give me that window of opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

No, but it's not at seven, though.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

I mean, listen, at this age, like it's and with all the social and technology out there, it's it's it's it's bound to happen. She's bound to hear something that she's not familiar with.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

I, you know, this again, we have gotten our what would you do once? And we have gone into like so many things, but I mean it's all correlated. I think if my kids ever came to me with something like that, I have been so open with them, even with the birthing process. Like at one point I was like, Benjamin, should I show them how babies come out? Because I have a picture of Noah coming out of me. You should have, did you? No, but I don't want to show, I don't want to scar them to life. You know what I mean? And I was like, you know what, Benjamin? I feel like I should show them. And he's like, I don't think you should show them just yet. I was like, but it's so beautiful thing. But like just certain things that I say to myself, you need to be open because at the end of the day, somebody else is going to come and tell your kid that, you know, again, hopefully no kid is watching this, that Santa Claus does not exist. You know what I mean? It's gonna come from a friend and you're gonna have to go and and uh, you know, you're gonna have to say it, right? Like you're gonna have to come when they say something.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

I got I got my I'm practicing already because if she ever comes, mom, I heard that Santa Claus doesn't exist because this person told me. And I said, yeah, because that person does not behave and Santa doesn't go to that. I got my comeback for that.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

No, I'm I'm getting ready, I'm practicing. But those conversations will happen, and it's almost better when they bring it up because then you know that it's like she's in the real world in time, she's in the real world. It's not, you know, there's boys that are gonna in second grade that are gonna talk about it, and it's almost better for her to know than for her to be like completely.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

That's true. Yes, you see, we learn, we learn. That's true. There's no it's a good advice to be like, you know what? Okay, she already heard it. Um I could be upset at the other girl, I could be no, don't talk about that, or it could open, you know, the window to actually get into those conversations.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Yeah, yeah, and not necessarily thinking about in that situation, not necessarily does the little girl have to be bad because she's thinking of these things already. Like she can be maybe a little bit advanced because maybe she has an older cousin, maybe she has, I mean, you have to really look at the situation. Obviously, if she's pulling Luna into a direction of like, let's go flash everybody our crotches right now. Yeah, I mean, then you're gonna go, I don't want you hanging out with that.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Well, they tried, she tried to jump out of the fence at school. She tried to jump, and Luna was right behind her, and I was so mad. I'm like, that's gonna get you kicked out of school. Why? I'm like, you can't be jumping the fence, and so I'm in that stage of you know, you don't have to do what your friends do. You know, you have to be a little bit smarter. I also tell her, even if it's a good friend, and if if you're seeing them treat another kid bad at the playground or whatever, or you know, anywhere, just you know, try to don't defend your friend just because it's your friend if you know that they're doing something bad.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Yeah, because those are easy conversations. It doesn't get easier. I'm gonna tell you that. I think the older they get, when they start driving, when they start with the boys, when they start hanging out with people from different communities, you know, now we have like Broward and we have people from Fort Lauderdale and from Miami, and they all come together. You know, that's when the conversations start getting real. When they want to start going to concerts down in like Brickle, and you're like, oh, but all my friends are doing it, you know, and it's like, okay. Or who's gonna be drinking? Who's driving?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

I'll be driving when I'm like dropping kids off.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

One thing that my sister always said, and and it's interesting. I mean, we are in South Florida, I-95. If you know this, it's like put Formula One with NASCAR and then just add all these people from different countries with all these race cars. That's I-95. And she always said, like she told them, don't drive on I-95 south. I remember she always said that, and I don't think they did till later. Um, but yeah, that that's scary, also. The whole driving, and who are you driving with?

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Oh man, no, thanks for getting it more complicated.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

It's a lot, it's a lot, and you know, like I going back to the friends they hang out with, you have to know them. You have to get time, have the time to know their friends, you know. So when they come to the house, it's like, hey, let's sit down, let's have a conversation. You know, I had them come in drunk the other day. And at first question was like, who's driving? If all of you are drunk, who the hell is driving? Yeah, the least drunk one. Okay, why? I'm like, why? So then I'm interrogating the boys, and I'm like, why are you letting her drive drunk? Like, why are you guys driving drunk? Like, why don't you hold each other accountable? And they weren't drunk. I can clearly tell you not yet, but it worries me even a drink. You know what I mean? Even having a drink and getting behind the wheel. I'm like, why if you have so many resources now? So many resources. Why? You can call me, number one, I'll go pick you up. You can call your mom, she'll go pick you up, because we've talked about Uber now. You have Uber now, you know, I'll pay for it if I have to. Like, why? Why even put yourself out there? So, you know, those are the conversations. They start getting really heavy. And then you have to think back about how was I, you know, like what did we do when we were kids? Just because it wasn't in social media doesn't mean that we didn't have our fair share. I know we get we got lucky there. We did get lucky, we should get it.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Because sometimes I think about moments and I'm like, oh, I wish I had pictures of this. But in order to see that picture, I have to fly to Puerto Rico, go into my room, open the box, open the album, and find the printed picture. The printed picture. It's not like now, okay, let me go to my album. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

So but those were the good times, though.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

I have a valuable takeaway from this. Yes. For the parents that are, or for the moms that are listening to us that they don't like to host parties at their house. You're like, I know, I don't want the so-and-so to come over. I gotta clean, I gotta, you're always busy with something because it happens. When you want to know who your kids are hanging out with, you have to sometimes put that to the side and say, hey, you know what? Yes, bring them over. I don't care if the house is dirty. Yes, bring them over because then they're in somebody else's house and you're not really seeing for your own two eyes who is it that they're hanging out with in more depth, right? Because they could say, Oh, I hang out with Fulanito at school, but that's like on the surface. You don't know really who Fulanito is, you know.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Sorry, Fulanito is like, yeah, Fulanito is Pepito, Pepito, Pepito, whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

It's that thing of, you know what, I you know, versus me saying no, this time I'm gonna let people come over to the house instead because I want to see it in my own setting, in my own four walls or whatever. Who is it that my kid is hanging out with? So that you can make also that judgment, kind of put that seed in their head and say, hey, mm, so I don't know about this friend, but you know, it's up to you. You have to leave it in their hands because if uh the more, like you said, the more you try to take something away, they the more they want to hang out with that person or the more they want to do something.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Yeah, you know, okay. So also I think too, like I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. No, no, no. But I think too is like the communication among the parents. Like we I talk to like Adriana's friends' parents, the ones that I'm really close to on a consistent basis. So, what are they doing? How what how are they getting there? Okay, did she tell you? No, Adriana didn't tell me, but I'll ask her about it, you know. Like just getting to know the parents, and then you can see when you know the parents, you can see, like, okay, this person it's does not have the same parenting style as you do. Yeah, so my daughter might be crazy for her parenting style. Correct. Like, daughter's not bad, she's not a bad person, but she's not what you want for your daughter. Yeah, and that's okay. Or what you think and then I have to have these conversations with my daughter and tell her, listen, you know, because she's like, Oh, you know, um, her mother doesn't really like me. And I said, it's not that her mom doesn't like you, she just doesn't like how you are, and there's nothing wrong with how you are, it just doesn't align with what she wants for her daughter. So there's nothing so you need to just be continue to be real to yourself because you're not doing anything wrong, you're just having fun.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

Yeah, you're not doing any harm to anybody.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

Where it's where we sometimes going back to it, that's with your daughter, but we have to also go back to it with us because sometimes we gotta look at it from the other side, right? You know, not just uh from the other side in general. Sometimes we're like, okay, I don't want you to hang out with them because I don't know, and we might that kid might be actually a really good kid, but something's not aligning, and we're already uh generalizing that this kid is not good for my kid, you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

So there's so many different ways to look at it, you know. So one of the things I have learned is that you have to give people opportunities. Yeah, exactly. Because a lot of these young kids go through phases where maybe something's happening in their life and they did something really messed up, and then you look at it as an outsider, you're like, I don't want you hanging out with them, you know. But reality is it was a face in their life, something was happening, and you always have to try to say, let's give them another opportunity. Always do that because sometimes your your daughter's gonna need that from somebody else, you know, or your kids gonna need that from the side. They're gonna be on the other side, they're gonna be on the other side, yeah. So you can't just be judging and judging and judging because it comes back to you full force when you do that. It does.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

So that is such a great advice. And for this, what would you do when you don't like a person that your daughter, your son is hanging out with? Think that the same thing could be happening on the other side. Somebody might not be happy with your son or your daughter, and the fact and welcome them to your house, get to know them, and that's gonna explain a lot of things in their behavior and all that. And but yeah, not try to limit you know your kids, not try to control them, not being with them because that's gonna attract them to them more. Yeah, yeah, they're gonna want to do more of what you tell them to do. They're gonna hide it, or they're gonna hide it. They're gonna be like, and I remember it happened that I said, I just I was in a bad mood, and I'm like, don't mention this person anymore. And then I'm like, oh shoot, now she's not gonna mention it. So she's I'm telling her to keep something from me now, and I don't want that. So I immediately, I think the next day I started saying, like, you know what? No, I I was tired, mama, but no, tell me, did you hang out with her and this and that? And because the moment that you said, don't talk about this, don't do this, that's it. Like, you're gonna lose so much.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

And we've all been guilty of that. I have done it a million times, and then I've had to be like, listen, I'm sorry, maybe it's menopause. I don't know what the hell I wasn't on my pellets. I'm so sorry. I'm like, let's talk about it. I want to talk about it, you know. We've all been guilty of it, but when you do that enough, the door starts to shut very quickly, and then the conversations start getting like very dry, and it's like how was today?

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Good, yeah, whatever. She does that to me, but I think all kids do that. Yeah, at this age, I'm like, come on. At this age, what happened at school? What happened at whatever camp? It was good. I'm like, are you serious?

SPEAKER_02 37:55

You guys, and you have to take a step back now. Now it's like you start to learn the pattern, and you're like, okay, I ask them this all the time, they don't answer me back. So it's like, this is not working. I need to work on how I'm put, you know, uh coming at it, you know, and say, okay, I'm gonna stay quiet. And then when they're ready to talk to me, they're gonna come and they're gonna talk to me, you know? So because it's like, it's like a, you know, it's a game. It's a game. I don't know what everybody's emotions are all over the place, you know.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

My takeaway from this episode um is that I have nine years to get a pool table, ping pong table, anything entertainment that you could imagine. We got the music, we got the lights, we got that. Um, just so we can make our house a party house. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Yes. But remember, you're not gonna be in there, okay? It's like for them, okay? They're gonna be like, hey, you already set everything up, but then you have to leave. They're gonna be like, Can you come, please?

SPEAKER_02 38:52

I want to be the mom of them like we want to hang out with your mom too. Yeah, and then Luna's gonna get jealous and be like, they only want to hang out with my mom and they don't want to hang out with me. Mom, go away like that. That happens.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Yeah, yeah. But I but I think also, too, like that happens a lot, but then you also have to set barriers. Yeah, because you can't be that mom that's like, here, drink, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, they're a parent, there's other parents. It's different here, it's different. It's just like you have to set the barrier.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

So many things to think about.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

But I love getting advice from you and the fact that you have the girl, the boy, they're older, you've done this. I love you, I admire you, and I respect you a lot as a mom and what you've done with your kids. They're not kids anymore. And I know them they were so little. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

She's gonna make me cry now.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

But aye, Clarita, thank you so much. Thank you for coming.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. What would you do Wednesday?

SPEAKER_01 39:50

I know, love you, and thank you guys for tuning in, and we'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

See you next time.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Next week, bye.