When Friendships Change

Friendships in your 40s look very different than they did in your 20s. Between kids, careers, marriage, schedules, and simply trying to keep up with life, staying connected isn't always easy.

In this episode, we talk about why friendships change over time, how mom friendships are different, the friends who stick around through every season of life, and the reality of drifting apart from people you once talked to every day.

We also discuss personality differences, life transitions, making new friends through our kids, and why sometimes the people closest to us today weren't even in our lives a few years ago.

If you've ever wondered whether adult friendships are supposed to be this hard, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Mama's Playground. This is Monica. And this is Darlene. Switched it up today. We switched it because Darlene is exhausted. Oh my gosh. Let me tell you, today was probably one of the days this morning where I felt the most exhausted. Uh it I don't know. It's it wasn't a crazy weekend, you know, nothing like that. But I don't know. Sometimes we just get tired. It's the the chores, it's the schedule, it's the trying to do all the events that you want to go to. So like we were at the church fair yesterday and it was so much fun. It was super sunny. Um, it's a small fair, which I appreciate because you're not walking a lot, but still, I was so tired last night. My body, I'm like, oh my gosh. So I'm thinking midlife parenting. Yes, mid-life. Well, I think it just gets a little bit more. I think it gets a little harder as you get older, right? Because we're more tired as we get older, being that we're dealing with little kids and all that. You know, and when I say little, we're talking about from five to eight years old. Um, I think any kid is exhausting, but but you know what I mean? Like us, we are also with our own changes and our own thing, and and it just doesn't get easier as you get older. You get more tired, you know, you need a little bit more of a relaxed time. We had talked about the uh Briars Miggs uh Myers Briggs, right? Myers Briggs um personality test from 16 personalities. And I just wanted to pinpoint something because we didn't have that information when you and I were going through the code. I know you said that there was one thing that made the that we were different. Yeah, okay, yeah, which is funny because we got the you got the E N F J and I got E N F P, right? So the difference is J and P. And so J is for judgment and P is for perceiving. And I was just looking at like the differences between both. And the main thing that I want to say, because I feel like I feel like it is it is very much correct, but there is also things that you and I intertwine on, right? There's things that I see on mine that I'm like, Darlene does that, like Darlene is like that, or you know, or vice versa. The one main thing that I had to say, okay, this is this is for real. So yours is that you since we started this podcast, Darlene's always been about timelines, right? Timelines and her script, and not a script, because we don't we don't go off of word for word, but you know, having something to talk about. Beginning, middle, and end. Oh, yeah. Come from acting backgrounds. Yeah. So they made us study that like crazy. So everything. That's that's it makes sense. Because she would get so annoyed with me that I'd be like, why, darling? Why a freaking time? Forget the timeline. Like, we need the swinging. We need the who, what, when, wait. Do you know that? Yes, who, what, where, when, when, where, why. Oh, there we go. Yes, there we go. Okay. So, so that was the main thing. I I wanted to bring it out there because I want those of you listening to know who your podcast hosts are, right? So we're very much alike, but we do have those differences. And I think that's probably a good balance. So is that the main difference? But you got from us. Okay, but now it's been X in the last couple of weeks. I feel that it's switched a little bit. But that's what I'm saying. You're more organized now. I'm all over the place, which I apologize. But that's fine. It's just I like when I heard about this, the percentages. You know how they say every uh relationships are 50-50. Yeah. No, it's not no, because sometimes your spouse will bring like 10% home, yeah, and you gotta step it up and be like 90. Don't get used to that though. No, no, no. Um, but you know, it's about teamwork and covering each other. For example, like I said this morning, I was zero, zero. And then Fabian was like, I'll take her that, but I can record the podcast for you. I'm like, I know, I know. But yeah, so in this case, I feel that in the last couple of weeks you've been But this is this is what I'm saying. And I and I think also too, again, I always say about the age, but it is because it comes with the experience, it comes from looking back on your like past experiences of whatever you were trying to do and realizing that some shit doesn't work, right? Like I'm I'm realizing what doesn't work for me. And at this age, which I've always known, but I think I'm implementing it, implementing it more, is the fact of I need a schedule because without a schedule, I do not function, I do not get things done correctly. And I've been always anti-schedule. I am like, let's go with the flow, whatever happens, you know. And and then with the podcast. That was me in the 20s. Correct. I was like that, I think, into my 30s, you know. Um, truly. But now it's kind of like, you know, I with the podcast, let's say I realized, okay, darling, it makes sense. You you we need to have some sort of outline. It's not that we have to have word for word verbatim what we're gonna say, but we do have to have something like to go off of, right? Because sometimes you're just like, uh, so that was the main thing that I saw in our personality. I just wanted to throw it out there because we had left that um um, you know, uh on the last episode saying, oh, we're gonna figure out what the the J is and the P. So the J was for judgment. There's more to it though. I'm just bringing that one thing because I think that's what Yeah, it's so odd that they'll put judgment because it has nothing to do with character. Yeah, no, no, no. You have to look at it. You have to, you guys, you have to get on it. 16 personalities, take it and see, and then it it's it's crazy. I'm gonna have my spouse do it as well because we are we have similarities, but we are so different at the same time. I want to know what it is, like how his brain works or you know how he functions sometimes. But, anyways, I just I wanted to put that up. You should have done that before, yeah, right? I think maybe we do the brain where we're married already. That's yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think maybe you know what? That's a good point. Do it before. If you're dating somebody, ladies or gentlemen, you can go ahead and say, you know what, before we start dating and we take this any further, I need you to take this personality test and then see if you guys kind of like yeah, you know, sync up with each other. I guess the no apps have the the oh my god, what was the the dating apps? Yes, I am so lost, obviously, because I'm we know you're not on the dating list anymore, but the one um or are you you know what? I'm not we let's not even talk about it, but I did see there's a Facebook page or something saying I'm dating this person, and then they put pictures of the guys or girls in case somebody is cheating or something like that. I heard about it and I went in not to look for anything particular, but I couldn't believe that there's actually Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, it's like I'm dating this person and they put pictures, or I dated this person and he did me wrong, and then they put the person's picture. That's insane. That is that is insane. But I wish I had that in my 20s. I mean, I'm sure the thing is we didn't have such full access as we have now. So I mean, if you're younger than us and now you're like, you know, starting to, I don't know, now you you guys have it a little better in that sense, right? Yeah, I mean, I wish I wish they had that because you know, Puerto Rico is a very small island, and it sometimes you ended up dating somebody that your friend was dating and you didn't know because it was new or whatever. You got sloppy seconds. I'm like, ew. I'm not saying it happened to me. Yeah, but it did happen that I now you get to see a little bit of the person. You go on their Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. Now you get to see what they're about. Exactly. See what they're about. You know, it's scary, but at the same time, it could be practical. I mean, I remember, yeah, in my 20s, and you know, when I was dating back in the island, it's you didn't know who, and then suddenly three months in, it's like, oh my god, my best friend used to date him, be careful, and it's shit. Oh man. You know, so it's that sort of information that I wish we had it now. Uh I mean that we had it, that we had it back then, but at the same time, it's it's scary because all your business is out there. Just catch 22 to everything. We'll see when our kids start dating. I wanna I wanna no, I don't even want to think about that. That's too smooth. So I wanted to, now that we talked, we touched on our dynamic in this podcast, which is the main thing is uh Darlene's always been the uh the the more organized, like you know, uh spreadsheet kind of person, and I've always been like, let's just wing it. So, anyways, but Excel. Yeah, no, not Excel, not Excel, not Excel, but like timeline. I am like super old school. I'm like, give me a paper and give me a pen and then I'll just make a copy of it and here you have and I'll do the charts with a ruler, but I can for some reason my brain cannot work with Excel. I mean, anyway, let's not go into this because we'll go off on a deep end about Excel sheets and all that, and I I don't want to go into that. So, our topic for today, being that being said that we were talking about our friendships and relationships and and so on, is about midlife friendships. We've been wanting to cover this because it's just such a weird. I don't know if it's weird. I don't know if if weird is the word, but um, midlife friendships, it's kind of it's different, right? It's I don't think people prepare you for midlife friendships. It's it's it's weird. No, it I we we were talking about this the other day about how as you get older, I don't know if it's because we you know now have families and and so on. Obviously, you have your friends from back in the day, you know, if you're still you know lucky enough to have like those really good friends from when you were in elementary or middle school or even high school, um and then you have the the friends that you meet along the way because you have kids, those are the new friends that you meet, right? Some friendships, like for instance for me, I have friendships from you know a handful of people that I've known since I was like 15, 16, some that I knew that I was like 10 years old. And because we are all in different stages of our life, or some people moved, or it's weird because sometimes you don't feel that same dynamic anymore. And these are people that you may know for such a long time and you've had so many experiences together, yet now it something feels off. Yeah, like it doesn't feel the same anymore. You talk to them and and you feel kind of like do we do we have things in common anymore? Or maybe it's just you know they're you know, they're too busy, or maybe I'm just too busy. Am I putting in my part to to be friends with this person still? You know, it's it's weird because life pushes you kind of like you know further and further from each other unless you really both make the um the effort to constantly be there for each other, you know, and make a thing like okay, every Friday we're gonna call each other 30 minutes in the morning and we're gonna keep it. And you know, at the at the stage that we're in, it's it's it's not it's hard. It's doesn't it doesn't work. It's hard. Um, I feel that one important thing that we learn is that good friendships, it's not about you're talking every day. You're seeing one of my best friends, Jennifer. I've seen her, oh my god, the last time we see each other probably every four, five years. We talk every two months, and it it's we pick up right where we left. We know that we're okay. If not, when we call each other, okay, everything good, everything okay, and then we just start that talking. But it's also that, you know, when it's a real friendship, it doesn't matter the distance, or but it's sad because even us, we were trying to talk the other day, and it's just oh, I gotta go, I'm getting a work call, or the kids are here, or oh now I can't talk. And I know that we have so much that we have to say to each other and catch up, and it's sad to think that it's been so hard. Yeah, something so simple that used to be so simple, right? Is so hard. Yeah, it's like when you when you look back on your 20s and you say your friendships were different. And I think it was more because not even your 20s. You have more time. You have more time. You're in college, maybe you see that person more at school, you know. And then once you leave the school setting and you go out into the real world of working and all that, like those friendships, it's not that they die out, you know. Before before kids, it's actually a little easier because maybe you're going out on the weekends now and you go to a bar or I don't know, whatever you're into. And so your friends get together in the on the weekends. Yeah. But then as you get into our stage, where now it's like, you know, we have small kids, okay, but we're not in our 20s, and we're not in our 30s either. We're in our 40s, and we're in this awkward stage. It's a beautiful, beautiful stage. It's a beautiful stage, but it's an awkward stage. It's it is it's an of the 40s. I feel it's like it's like you're the middle reject child. I I swear to you, this is what I think 40s is. You're no longer like the young You're a middle child trend. I'm sorry. But it's true. It's like, you know how they always say, okay, there's three kids, and then the the youngest gets all the oh, the baby, the attention. And the oldest was like the oldest, but the middle one is like the they call them the reject child. I hate to say that if you're a middle child, but if you know I've heard I don't agree, by the way. I'm putting it on record. I do not agree with Monica. But I've heard this saying like from people that I know that are middle child, they're like, okay, like I get kind of in the middle. It's like my old the oldest got everything pampered from the beginning, whatever. And then the youngest is the youngest. So it's like, oh, the baby in the middle is kind of like, oh, I'm kind of nowhere. And I feel like 40s is that. I feel like the 40s, you're not old because we're not old and we're still vivacious. We still have we still have a lot of energy. Um, except this morning, not as much as today. I'm exhausted, but tomorrow I'm gonna be better. No, yeah, go to bed at eight. It's like once it's I had my period too. That's another thing that has me like, what? You know, I have it, I don't have it. Oh, I have it, so maybe I can still get pregnant. Oh, wait, but I didn't have it. It's yeah, it's uh it's that's the most complicated relationship any woman can have. No, save that thought. Save that thought because we said we were gonna say that for another. No, I had I'm gonna say it in every episode. Okay, okay. So I'm like, say, save the thought. No, but anyways, what I was saying is 40s is a time of like so you're not super young, but you're not old either, and you're in this transitional space, especially as a woman, with everything you're going through, and then dealing with small kids, and then also trying to do the things that you like there's just so much going on. I don't know, it's just it's so it's a weird part. And I yeah, I wonder if with friendships, because you're friends, I have some friends that don't have kids and they're in in other things, right? So it's like we don't have that in common anymore. It's not that I don't love those friends anymore or that I don't want to speak with them. It's just that every time if I want to have a conversation, my kids are around going, mommy, I want me. Hey can you it's it's annoying to them. I'm sure it's like, oh, I can't even get a thought out to this girl because she's always busy or screaming in the background, you know. I just feel, but if it's a good friend of yours, she's gonna understand. I just feel that the 40s. I was reading this article, or I just browsed this that said, um, the happiest times in a person's life, it's the 20s, 30s. The hardest times are the 40s, and the happiest times again, it's when they hit the 70s. Oh boy. And I'm looking and I'm thinking the 40s. I could see that because we're especially, you know, there's women at in their 40s that kids are already in their 20s and they're, you know, they're good. They have all their time in their lives for themselves. We're not, you know, we're raising little kids right now, uh later, you know, later in life. But there's so many things also that is happening at the same time, which is the hormonal changes, it's also the physical changes. Luna comes the other day, mom. What's that line in your forehead? And I'm like, wait, what? And I go to the mirror and I'm like, okay, there it is. That's why there's Botox. Exactly, right? So, but I feel that in the 40s, you're just dealing with so many changes. There's so many people that even separate, they split a lot of couples around this stage. Yeah. Because either they had the kids and then the kids are out of the house and they find that they don't love each other anymore, or there are just so many changes in in our lives. And though, like we were saying, the hormonal changes, and and then people just drift apart and they figure out, you know, for the we're it's called mid-life crisis, you know, for the next, you know, 40 years of my life. Am I gonna still be with this person? Am I still gonna be working doing this thing? So I feel that it's a time, the 40s, where it's so many changes. You're doubting yourself in so many ways. Okay, did I do everything that I wanted to do? You know, I I'm like right in the center, in the equator of my life. So it's it's hard. And with the friendships, I feel that if you're a good friend, you're gonna understand what your friend's going through. Priorities change, things change. The day that a friend gets upset because you couldn't, you know, make it to one thing or the other because you're a parent now, then that day it's you're not gonna be my friend anymore. I think it's I don't even know if it's just well, I'm sure there's people that get upset and people that feel like, okay, the dynamic's not the same anymore. And so, and and they just start to maybe it's not as dramatic as it was when you were in your 20s, where somebody would be like, you know what, darlene, I am not your friend anymore. Like, go screw, you know, whatever. Now it's kind of like people start to maybe not return texts anymore, or they're not returning the phone call. And then you start to wonder, like, okay, sometimes you think, uh, did I do anything? Or but I think it's just at this stage, it it kind of becomes where everybody's so busy and everybody is trying their best to get their shit together, and at least at this stage, right? And everybody's in their own thing, and people have other priorities, and and then it's it's it is sad because you say to yourself, one day you're gonna look back, and hopefully not, you know, that friend will still be, you know, uh around. Like, what if something happens? What about if you're here thinking a story in your mind, like, oh my god, she's not picking up the phone, or he's not picking up the phone. Well, let's say she, because it's usually w women, right? Um, she's not picking up the phone, she doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know what's going on. And then in actuality, that person's going through a hard time. Yeah, right. So it it's it's happened to me on both on both sides. I've never like with the friendships that I have, and I could say that close friendships I can count with my hand. Close people that I can tell intimate things to. I don't have a thousand, nor do I want a thousand, you know, people and everybody that's listening right now. Yeah, and well, everybody that's listening right now, but this is, you know, my personal, personal, like very in-depth uh things. I don't tell that to everybody. Um, but with you know, with friendships now, I feel like people just, you know, you you well, you may maybe I text you, darling, and you used to text me back like I don't know, not not in like two minutes, but you used to text me, text me back maybe at the end of the day. And now I don't hear from you for like two weeks. Oh, hey, two weeks. You know, it's that sudden change of like, are we drifting apart? Do we do we just let it go? Is it is it really dramatic? Is it really something like that? Did my kid have my phone and I never saw your message? Because that happens too. Yeah. And it's happened when I feel horrible because I have a friend asking me a question, for example, and I get it three days later, and I'm wait, and it's because at that point now Luna gets messages, like if she's on my phone, which I try not for that not to happen too much, but I see her sometimes she's on my phone, and a message pops up and she just goes like this swipes, yeah. And you're too busy doing something else. Yeah, I saw her doing that the other day, and I'm like, what happened? Oh, somebody was writing, and then it shows as I read it, and I didn't. Oh my god. And the other day she texted the teacher, it was on a weekend. She texted the teacher in the mor at night. I'm like, why is the teacher's name on the on the top of my messages? She has sent her like a picture or something, and so yeah, the next morning I was like, I am so sorry. So I had to change her name to another name because Luna will find it and she's obsessed with her teacher, and it's always like send her babe, send her dad, and I'm like, Oh, so I had to change her name so she can find her. Sorry, I'm not sure. Things that you have to do when you have uh small, small children that starts reading, that starts reading because I wasn't going through this until she started reading. Also, now she's all my business, mom. This person is calling, mom, and now talking about friendships. Most of the messages that I get now on a daily basis is moms that I've met through her friends. So that's another type of friendship, though. Yeah, these are like new friendships, but we're in constant communication. Two of them are dance, two are dancing together now. Uh, you know, the plans for the weekend. Oh, this mom is calling you. This mom just sent you a message. I want to talk to her. This mom is sending you this, and I'm like, Luna, it's for me. No, no, no, but you know her because we're friends, I'm friends with the daughter. So yeah, it's it's same here. Once they start reading, forget about it. There's no there's no privacy. But okay, so wait, you just mentioned something. You just said the the moms that you meet as friends that they become your friends because now your kids are friends, right? Yeah, so now you're hanging out with these like new new moms. Have you ever felt like a weird, you know, like an odd oddness of I don't know, you go to hang out because she needs to go to a birthday party or something, and then maybe that the you're not clicking with that that mom. You know, it's not it's not the same, or you do click with each other, and now it's like you're finding a new so I'll I'll give you an example for. Me, I have um a couple of friends that I've made through jujitsu, and we honestly we hit it off so well that that has become like more of my circle. Good, you know, that's become more of my circle, and it's funny because the friends that I've had from prior, like I have really good friends. One is not here anymore, like she left to to Chicago, she knows who she is if she's listening. Um, and then her sister and so on, like they've been my friends forever. Another mom, too, that she has three kids that she I bit we've been friends forever, yet we do not talk. We will talk every so often, you know, every blue monet, how are you? Oh my god, we've been so busy, I haven't been able to catch up. And it's like you feel like, oh, it's I don't know. Or they see uh what happens also, they probably see you on Instagram or the pictures and knows you're okay. I get that a lot. Um oh my god, I'm seeing Luna grow. And it's sad because it's okay, you're doing it through social media, but at least there's something. Yeah. Probably back in the days, like send me a postcard or send me a picture by mail. Write me a handwritten letter, exactly. Like let's do this. But but it it's not, it doesn't happen. It's like so you just start to wonder, like with the new friendships, too. Now you start building like a new circle of friends that are new. And it's like you start finding yourself in these people as as you're older now. So it's it's different, you know. Now the conversations that you became friends with are not the conversations that you would have become friends with when you were 20. It's not like what hot spot do you like? What bar do you want to go to? Oh, you go to that dance. Like it's nothing of that anymore. Now it's like now it's what restaurant do you go to? Yes. What do you want to eat? Because we eat every week and like, oh, we go, we try to try, like we try one restaurant, like I don't know, which park do you go to? Which indoor spot do you like better for the kids? Everything is based out of what are your kids like? Did you go to Sky Zone? Did you try the new Sky Zone that just came out? Uh did you go to this other place? Oh my god, I went to a birthday party. You know what's so nice for your kids' birthday party? Like the conversations are different, they're different, and now you're forming these friendships out of because of the interest that you both have because of of the kids that you have, right? I laugh because it's it's so true. The conversations are it is, it's so different. It is. They take over, they they take over our conversations too. Everything. It's a did you think about it? When you go back to your friend Roxy, now she's in a different stage of her life, right? Her kids are big already, they're women, they don't need her as much as our kids do, and now she's living it up again. Yeah, like it, you know, it's crazy. It's the the cycles of life. We definitely need to make time for ourselves and for our friends, and then we get together and all we're talking about, it's our kids. I have something here that I wanted to read. There's the the um uh with the friendships right now at the the age that we are in, you know, they talk about the maturity, right? Like we are we are more mature now. Again, it's not in this not the fights anymore, it's not like stupid little petty things anymore, it's just like people start to drift apart, and it's usually based off of like no communication, right? You stop communicating, time elapses, and so on. Um, but it says what creates the gap, and it's the different ambition levels too can be something like so. For instance, you're my friend, but you're a friend that you know, maybe you don't like this, this thing of podcasting and wanting to do a business, or you know, maybe you're more like I just want to be home with the kids and like I'm a stay-at-home mom. There's nothing wrong with that, but we have different likes now, different ambitions, and that can be something with age that starts to pull you apart from your from your friends. Not that you're not gonna support your friend, but you feel like, oh, I don't, I don't, I don't belong. Like I think her world is different than mine. I don't know if it's so much ambition or it or more just job responsibilities. You know, the friend that travels a lot or has a different schedule and she can be doing coffee in the morning or something. I guess they say ambition level. I mean, I guess I get what you're saying. It doesn't mean that the person's not ambitious, you know, but I guess there's different types of women, right? There's ones that are like full force, I want to do business and I want to do this, and then there are other ones that are like, no, I just want to live a more like calm life. I don't know if those gaps and as you start to involve. No, for me, so I think for me, I am ambitious. I am, I am an ambitious person. I do work, um, I'm in the interior part, and then I love this of the podcasting, and I'm always inventing something, and I'm always trying to move forward with something. And some things I I comes into fruition, other things, you know, I drop the ball on, and I'm just right now figuring those things out, you know. But again, there's gonna be friends of mine that could care less about this. And then if you and I start uh doing, you know, really full force, how we said, and we're really consumed by this podcast and making it move forward and all that, I'm sure that there'll be friends that don't feel so you know, like like they'll still support me, but they're gonna feel kind of like out of the loop kind of thing, right? I don't know. I could I could see that I could see ambition and um maybe different uh career choices and paths and all that to kind of maybe affect uh friendships. So the different ambition levels is one, and then another thing was like different marriage satisfaction, right? I guess I guess, yeah, the dynamic of what you have with your spouse because I'm sure I'm sure, and I I could think of this. I'm not saying I I don't have this going on in my life, but I could see this happening where maybe you are super good with your husband, and you guys are like every time we go out, he's like, Oh, baby, and he's touching your face and he's like, I love you, and this and that, and then me and mine are always fighting or something, you know? And it might be like, I don't want to go out with these people because they're too annoying, yeah. Because maybe I was like, it makes you know what I mean. And that can kind of couple like that. Do you have some that are super like affectionate? You could be like that. I mean, we are, but we're not super no, I am not like like we are not super like uh baboso as you know, and and also there's women that don't like to do the girls' night out, don't like to go out without their house. Husbands, yeah. Which I like to have at least one if I can. And to be honest, I haven't had any in a while. I'm like, we need one because sometimes you need to get with your three girlfriends and just have a glass of wine. It's no longer about dancing on tabletops, it's it's basically maybe depends how much wine. But no, but the truth is I haven't done that in a while. I haven't done that in like forever. I want to go out, I want to go dancing. Oh, I was so mad the other day. I'm like, let's go dancing. And he's like, No. I'm like, same, same. I love to go dance or not, but there's gonna be like We were talking about this. Let's take classes, yeah. The salsa classes, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be paired up with somebody else because you don't dance salsa by yourself. Hint hint, and he was like, Yeah, okay, whatever. Yeah, I said it, and he's like, Okay, go ahead, go ahead, darling. I'm looking for a salsa partner. ASAP. So marriage. Marriage partnerships could also bring like those little like differences, right? With our with the friendships. What else was another one? Uh, different financial realities that I see as a big one. So yes, so for sure. You have the friend that's making, you know, they have an a phenomenal financial, like, you know, thing that's going for them at this moment, and maybe you're not, and they want to go out every weekend. They want to go, let's go out, let's go eat here, let's go there. And then you can't. So you have to cancel your plans and say, you know what? Like, I can't this weekend, and then you can't the following weekend. And so that's also can start building or bringing a separate like a separation, I guess. Yeah, that I went through that when I was living in LA making ten dollars an hour, working at as a hostess at a restaurant. Um, wow, yeah, this was a long time ago. Ten doll an hour, that's illegal now. But um, my friends, they I they took a few trips. They went to Monaco. Um, I don't remember where else they went. I don't know if Costa Rica was one. And they would always invite me. Hey, we're gonna meet here, we're gonna meet there. You know, we were all single. And I always, I always have to say no. Always. And I was talking to Fabiana about this the other day. I'm like, I'd never taken a trip with my girlfriends because I was always working and trying, you know, to make ends meet. Um, and there was no separation, but obviously a separation of experiences. Oh, you know, to this day, they'll be talking, oh, remember this and that. And I'm like, oh, I'm so happy that we were able to do it. But I'm like, oh my god, I never got to do it. And it was because of and also it would make me, you know, uncomfortable. It was a hard time, you know, when you're trying an aspiring actress and being in California, you only come here. I would come to Florida to see my family, and I would see my friends, and they wanted to go like to these super expensive restaurants in Brickle, and it was those times where you put a dress and heels and go and pay like $17 for a drink. And my priority at that time, it was like I'm just gonna fly to Florida, see my family, and then come back, and I have to I have rent to pay and all these bills, and it was hard. And then when I would come here, it was hard to see them also because ah, they're gonna want to go to this restaurant and this restaurant, and but yeah, I I the financial part of it can can obviously build a little bit of a gap, right? Because it's like you want to take a trip together. Let's do a family trip together, and then even let's say you succeed to do a family trip together and now you're somewhere else, but you guys can't do the same thing, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I think that can build somewhat of like a it's not that you're not gonna be friends, I just feel like it could it the the financial part of it, especially now in the age that we are with the kids that you know with our kids and so on. I feel like that can build some sort of a of a gap. Like traveling-wise, though, something like a cruise is what's perfect because everybody can get off the cruise, everybody can do their own thing, and then you meet later. Yeah, and you throw the kids in the kids' club, and then you're done. And then it's perfect. And oh, and different emotional maturity is the other one. So that is true. So, I mean, there's the people that I I see, and I'm not gonna call out names or whatever, but I see people in my own life that have stayed in never grow, you know, they've grown somewhat, but they've stayed still in a very like immature phase in their life. And then so when you want to have deeper conversations, there is no deep conversation, it is a very like uh just on the surface kind of thing, and you feel like okay, okay, it's a short conversation, like there's no that chemistry anymore, you know, because you maybe that person has started to another person has started to grow more emotionally. Or they're just bored, they don't want to listen to what we have to say anymore. I don't know. I don't know. I think in a way going through something, something, and I don't know. No, or or or it's that, it's the fact that there's people that evolve a little bit more than others, in the sense of like uh let's say self-help and and trying to grow and trying to, you know, you want to have more meaningful conversations, different interests. Different interests. No, it doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with the person. I'm just saying that there's different interests, right? And so you start talking and you feel like, okay, we maybe there's we don't have that thing in common anymore. When we were younger, you know, we used to talk about all this stuff, but now as I've matured and I've got kids now and I've got financial responsibilities and things have evolved, and maybe that person here is not even thinking about those things, you know. Maybe they don't have the kids, maybe they don't have the financial responsibilities. They don't relate. You're not relating. You're not relating anymore, you know? So that can also build, uh, especially now in the age that we are, different um, how do you call it? Different priorities priorities priorities, different plans, different yeah, different priorities. Uh and so I was gonna say, just kind of like to wrap this to kind of you know come to our conclusion. They this this here had told me, or my phone, my phone had told me of different types of friendships, right? And then you have it it came out with like four of them. It said the nostalgia friend, right? This is the one that you bonded by history, right? So the older ones, the ones that you had from when you were in elementary, middle school, and so on. So many of those, and I think about them too. I'm like, I wonder how they're doing. Oh man, I did that recently, and it's not a oh my god, this is insane. Okay, finish. And then the nostalgia friend, right? So that is the bonded by history, not necessarily the present, right? So you it could be like months you haven't talked, but you think about them. There was that friendship, you had a lot of good memories with each other. Then you have the proximity friend, that is the school mom, your work circle, your circumstantial connection. That's I feel that that's what's that's what's keeping me right now with friendships. Yeah, yeah. Well we have the most right now prox proximity friendships, okay. Which is my jujitsu moms and you know, my kids' mom friends, you know, from school. The one you start texting at seven in the morning asking what are they supposed to wear today? Correct. Am I missing something? And then you text at five and you're like, I could do a beer, and then you text at eight, and you already have a plan made for the weekend, and the kids are gonna have a blessed. Correct. That is that is where I'm at right now, my proximity friends, right? Uh, the crisis friend, the one that shows up in chaos and then may disappear when everything is calm. I don't know if I have that. I need well, I need somebody when I'm in crisis. I do, I do have one, which is she's always there if you need anything, but it's also Roxana, which is you know, she's doing her thing now. So I need a new one. But you know you can, you know, you know you can call her though if you need to. Yes. Um, and then you have the Can you be my crisis friend? Yeah, dude. I go through crisis every so often. Okay, here. So let's shake it. Shake hands. We're crisis friends. Crisis friends, crisis proximity friend. Okay, the growth friend, the one that celebrates and expands you. But the growth friend, I mean, I feel comes within the proximity friends, right? Because you you're talking to the people that you're with now the most. And when you have something that you can say, oh my God, we just started our podcast. And they're like, oh my God, that's so awesome. And they root you on and they give you that support. So I feel that kind of falls into the circle of friends that you currently are dealing with the most right now. Yeah, it could. And then and also it could be like your old friend, like my friend Jennifer that I was telling you about, that we hardly ever talk, but when we do, she's like, I love what you're doing, and you look great and everything. And she puts me like up here and you're like celebrating everything that I forgot uh that happened, she'd be like bringing it out, but you did this. I'm like, Oh my gosh, why don't we talk more often? Yeah, she boosts you, she she gives you that boost, and she does it in a loving, in a loving place, which is amazing. And she's the that friend, which I and I appreciate this so much. Uh, she's so honest. Let's say in the past, you know, oh I got into an argument with, you know, my husband or an ex-boyfriend or a friend, she'll call it as it is. She's not gonna tell you, oh no, you're right. Yes, you're right. No, they're assholes. You're right. No. She'd be like, no, but tell me again, how did this happen? But why do you say that? Oh no, you're fucked up. Yeah. And I love that. I mean, don't sugarcoat anything. I love realness. I appreciate honesty in any type of relationship. So do I. Yeah. And I and I feel like friendships that have to. So I was thinking of this the other day when we were gonna talk about this. I remember when I was younger, we had this uh one friend. No, we're no longer friends. I don't even know where that person is anymore. Acquaintance. Acquaintance, right? And we would go out every so often. And I remember, you know, she had this drama going on with I don't know what. And I wouldn't sometimes I'd I would not take her side. I'd be like, Well, but you're wrong in this. That was like, you don't support me, you only, you know, and I was like, no, uh, as a friendship, why do I have to say that you are always right? I'm not doing you a certain I've always been like that though, and I'm I think I'm more like that now. Um, is the fact of if I'm your friend, I'm gonna tell you. I'm not gonna tell, I'm not gonna be mean um how I'm saying it. I'm not gonna cuss you out or anything, but I'm gonna tell you, hey Darlene, sorry, you know, but I I'm not agreeing with you here. Like you're wrong. Fabian is right if you come to me with something, you know what I mean? Like, or you know, that's that's not why am I going to agree with you on everything? That's not friendship. That's me being the freaking kiss ass friend. And you're like, oh, Monica's so nice. And in the back of my mind, I know you're wrong, but I'm like, hi Darlene, you're always so right. You're you're right. That's not I'm not helping you. I'm doing a disservice to you because I'm egging you on and I'm making you feel like everything you do is correct. You know, it's like people gotta take you have to take responsibility for your your things. And I I I wish, I think to this day, I don't have a friend. I do have one that will call me out and be like, wait a second, what what are you talking about? Like, no, think of it like this, but I don't think I have anybody super like direct, like that doesn't beat around a little bit, you know, but like instead of just saying Monica, no, you're wrong. I I I appreciate that. Okay, good to know. Good to know. I do, I appreciate that. I feel like, especially at this day and age, like, dude, if I messed up on something or if there's something that I'm not doing right, can you tell me? Like, say it to me. We're strong women, we'll take it. Yeah, I think you know, again, be nice how you you don't have to be mean when you say it, but be real, be honest. So, anyways, yes, that that's the uh the the what was it? The honest friend, the honest friend. No, we the the the the the the the yeah well was it? I don't know. The growth friend the growth friend, whatever the one that helps to expand your the girl's friend, yeah. Anyways, you put some water and she grows. That was a very bad joke. Are we gonna do a cut there? Cut cut so those are the the friendships that you know I I kind of like looked into. Um, obviously, there's a lot more friendships. So we're in the proximity. That's why I would say that that's the most. Yeah, definitely. And I think a lot of people would be in the proximity. Yeah, I was thinking about that. Even you know, you don't anybody that starts, let's say, a new job, then suddenly that's it. That's her group now. That's what happened when I was in LA when I was working in restaurants. All my friends were in the restaurant business. Yeah, it was great, great times. And it again doesn't mean that the friendships that you had from prior that you don't see anymore, it's not a friendship anymore, but it does start to drift. And maybe the energy shifts as well a little bit because now it's no longer like you might pick up the phone and call them, and it's like, hi, how are you? And there's kind of silence, it's no longer that type of yeah, or the other way around, which is no, it's funny. When I first moved to LA that I changed my I went straight from Puerto Rico, so when I changed my number, it went from 787 to 213. Um, so one of my good friends, and I will say his name, he's probably not listening, Monchito. He go, and we were together all the time. And then when I moved, this is 2002, suddenly like boom, disconnected. And I go to him, like, I call him one day, I'm like, what's up? Like he said, Well, you change your number. I'm not gonna be paying to calling you on that. At that time, they didn't have the plans that they have now. Yeah, it was different times where you would every phone call cost, but yeah, it would cost him a little bit more calling a different area code. So that's it. That's where our friendship drifted because I changed my area code. But that's what I'm saying. So it's just so stupid. It is, it is, it is. It's like it's like, okay, you're not gonna, you're not gonna even attempt to make that one phone call, but it's it's true. There's things that drift people apart, and proximity is a big deal. It's a big deal because it's like you and I are closer now, we can talk or whatever, and then you move, and that becomes a big, you know, issue later. Not issue, but it becomes something that separates maybe our friendship from talking all the time. Maybe we were not keeping up, you know, with each other. Then there's the people that live close. I have friends that live super close to me. I mean like super close. Like I could go walking to their house if I wanted to. And we also don't see each other. It's because we are in constant, you know, different things, different activities with our kids, different things with work. So it's the people that you are with right now, yeah, in your kids' circles and in your kids' activities. I was that is where we are right now. Bottom line, that's it. On on Mondays, Luna's asking me, What are we doing over the on the weekend? If I tell her I'm gonna go out, girls tonight out, or I'm gonna go with your dad to by the way. We have a trip pending to Punta Cana, it's paid for. We haven't even gone gone, reserved, nothing. We haven't even looked at the date. Anyway, I do listen. I need to do that. To do list and it's an important one, but um, yeah, so already for the weekend you're planning, you know, what do the kids want to do? If the kids are in sports, that's it. It's sports, and then go to a sports bar and that's your fun night. Yeah, but you know what's sad when your kid has friends and then they get into an argument or something and they don't want to talk to each other anymore. And you get along with the parents, you get along with the parents, or then you know that these parents don't get along with the other one, or the kids with the other one. We're gonna talk in we're gonna have an episode on kids' friendships because I'm I have a lot to say about that one. That was something that we were not prepared for, right? Oh my god, the dynamic is something different anyway. But sticking to this one, it's that situation also. When it's like, wait, what do you mean that you guys don't don't hang out anymore? Or you pull your kid out of a sport, and that's it. You lose that connection with the parents that you would see that happen in baseball. I would see them three times a week. We were a family, I was with them all the time. Not that we don't care for each other or get along, but it's now you know, everything changed. Now I have Luna in dance, she's not with the team anymore. And you for you can say, I'm gonna go. See them play. I'm gonna go, we're gonna plan, we're gonna see each other. It doesn't happen. I know it's just it's just I don't know. I guess, but I guess if if if people really wanted to keep in touch, if you really want to keep in touch and you really say, like you and I made friendship in baseball and now we're no longer in baseball together, we're no longer baseball moms, let's say, and you and I made a really good friendship, you would you would think that at least I don't know, once every two months I'll make a hey, hey, how are you? Or think about somebody, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I there's been times that I think about people that I haven't, you know, talked to and I'm like, hi, should I reach out? But then I get bombarded with something else and I forget. And I'm sure it happens to everybody. It's like, you know, you just either you make the effort or you don't, you know, and then there is those friendships that they are no longer, you know that you're no longer aligned. Like you know that the interests are off, the conversation is stale, um, things are just weird, and you're like, is this worth it? And at this point in age, we're going back to the midlife mom friendships, it's like you think now time, right? Right now, time is for me a priority. It's it's like if this is not if this here is not bringing me any any peace, or you know, it's and part of the peace is knowing that the kids are entertained. Entertained, you know. We're having fun and they're with good kids. It's like that brings me peace. I'm like, okay, now I get to sit down and relax. I don't know. I just whatever. I I guess it's like you know, it it evolves. Friendships evolve, and yes, there's similarities as when you're younger till now, but they they start to evolve, and I think time is also a main thing as well, because now time is not so open, and so now you know it's not exactly it is I have a question. Um, what about I'm curious your thoughts on have you made a friendship with a male friend? Okay, in your 40s, yeah, or late 30s, but somebody that it's not my friend that I went to school with or college or you know, my siblings friend, uh, but made friendship with the other sex. I've made friendships, but I uh with other people that I talk to them when I see them again in my close proximity events, like you know, jujitsu or this. But it's not like we've exchanged numbers and I'm gonna be talking to them. No, that's like I, you know, no, I think that would be just like weird. Now it's different that I've made friendships where the we as couples we get along and then we go out together, you know? Yeah, like Bendy. I could text Bendy on his birthday. I don't have to be like Monica, tell your husband I said happy birthday. Same thing. Yeah, no, for me that's that's very important also because we are, you know, we are married, uh, and part of the whole friendship thing is knowing that the husband or or even my friend, you know, they get along with my husband as well. You can always be like, you know, I'll do my thing and you don't have to come. But I mean, the the ideal thing is what we have, yeah, you know, that we get to hang out with the four of us, uh, and the kids get along. And but yeah, I could see also the part of oh man, do we have to go to that house? Man, that man doesn't even talk. Correct. I mean, it's it's it feels off like it's off because women we vibe easier with each other, but when you bring the man in, it's yeah. I think the best thing is if they all like beer, and then they can at least or and and span something with a beer, it's that's it. That's like you open that bottle of beer and that's it. They're connecting. It's true, it's true. Yeah, I mean midlife friendships, right? Yes, midlife friendships. We discussed that today. We want to discuss what Darlene said for our next episode. We're gonna be talking about kid friendships, and that's a whole other dynamic, which we're not gonna get into in this episode. We'll wait for the next one. But, anyways, if you like this episode and you have anything that you want to input to us as far as you know, any advice or any friendships that maybe have veered off for certain reasons and so on, we'd love to hear from you, whether it's on Instagram, TikTok, uh, what else, darling? Or if you another and or if you want to connect with a friend that you haven't seen. I don't know, we're not miracle workers, but let's play around it. Let's get you guys together. Call your friends and yeah, just think about think about three friends that you haven't talked to in a long time. Friends from when you were little kids, or it could be, you know, just somebody that you said I call you back last week and you haven't. And you haven't done it. Yeah, just pick up the phone and do it. Yeah, yeah. And also accept too. Let's do this as well. Let's accept when things are really off, right? Because there will be those friendships where things are off, and you have to say, okay, it's no longer what it used to be, and I'm okay with that as well. Let's not force it. Oh, you're just not in the mood because that that happens too. Yeah, I gotta call my friend. Oh, I'm not in the mood today. Because you ask, how are you? and that's it. Three-hour conversation just on that. Um, anyway, thanks for listening. And yes, Instagram, sorry because I interrupted you. Instagram, uh, Instagram, uh, what else are we on? Mamas.playground, we're on TikTok, we're on Facebook, we're on, we're on all of that, you know, yeah, and YouTube. Okay, thanks, guys. Bye bye.